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Commonplace Lavatory Laughs

Toilet humor has always been the reliable retreat of your Daily, and we are always mindful of notable bog-related stories and key events, particularly within football. Readers were entertained to learn that an online journalist Adrian Chiles has a West Brom-themed urinal at his home. Reflect for a moment regarding the Barnsley supporter who took the rest room somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell after falling asleep on the loo during halftime of a 2015 loss against Fleetwood Town. “He had no shoes on and misplaced his cellphone and his cap,” stated a representative from Barnsley fire services. And everyone remembers when, at the height of his fame with Manchester City, Mario Balotelli visited a nearby college for toilet purposes back in 2012. “He left his Bentley parked outside, before entering and requesting the location of the toilets, subsequently he entered the faculty room,” a student told the Manchester Evening News. “Subsequently he wandered round the campus like he owned the place.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as the England coach after a brief chat in a toilet cubicle together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss versus Germany during 2000 – the Three Lions' last game at the legendary venue. According to Davies' personal account, his private Football Association notes, he had entered the sodden troubled England locker room right after the game, seeing David Beckham weeping and Tony Adams motivated, both of them pleading for the suit to bring Keegan to his senses. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan moved wearily along the passageway with a distant gaze, and Davies located him seated – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the dressing room corner, whispering: “I'm done. I can't handle this.” Collaring Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to rescue the scenario.

“Where could we possibly locate for a private conversation?” stated Davies. “The tunnel? Crawling with television reporters. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The bathing section? I couldn't conduct an important discussion with the team manager as squad members entered the baths. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A significant event in English football's extensive history occurred in the ancient loos of an arena marked for removal. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Dragging Kevin into a cubicle, I secured the door behind us. We remained standing, looking at each other. ‘My decision is final,’ Kevin declared. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll announce to journalists that I'm not competent. I can’t motivate the players. I can't extract the additional effort from these athletes that's required.’”

The Results

And so, Keegan resigned, eventually revealing he viewed his stint as England manager “empty”. The two-time Ballon d’Or winner added: “I struggled to occupy my time. I ended up coaching the blind squad, the hearing-impaired team, supporting the female team. It's a tremendously tough role.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. Regardless of improvement or decline, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for the upcoming Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This exact remembrance from a low point in English football acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

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Quote of the Day

“We remained in an extended queue, wearing only our undergarments. We represented Europe's top officials, premier athletes, inspirations, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with strong principles … however all remained silent. We barely looked at each other, our looks wavered slightly nervously while we were called forward two by two. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a freezing stare. Quiet and watchful” – previous global referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes referees were previously subjected to by ex-Uefa refereeing chief Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What does a name matter? A Dr Seuss verse exists named ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been removed from their positions. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not quite! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie remain to oversee the primary team. Full Steve ahead!” – John Myles

“Since you've opened the budget and provided some branded items, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Postecoglou mentions he initiated altercations in the schoolyard with youngsters he anticipated would defeat him. This pain-seeking behavior must justify his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I will always be grateful for the second-season trophy but the only second-season trophy I can see him winning along the Trent, should he survive that period, is the second division and that would be quite a challenge {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|